Bariatric Girl

But doesn’t goal make life perfect?

06/06/2011 by Yvonne • 7 Comments | Leave a Comment »

I don’t want to make this depressing or down. I might even make mistakes (spelling and grammatical). Mostly I just want to catch everyone up that wants to be caught up.

I was doing my typical rescue thing with a small 3 week old kitten..done it several times but I guess this little girl was just too sick. Sometimes moms leave the weakest link because they know stuff we don’t. Just like I’ve always done, I got up every two hours to feed the little girl. That sweet girl didn’t make it….and then right in the midst of that, Sundance started screaming like he’d been stabbed with a knife. Some people can’t relate to people loving their pets like their children but when you haven’t had any children, it is all you know. Kevin and I don’t have two legged children, we have 4 legged (well three legged) furry ones and they are like our children….I may not have given birth but we love him just the same. Having a baby that is screaming all night and not being able to ask “where does it hurt?” is heart wrenching. You also can’t jump into the nearest ambulance to get immediate help. You start making deals with the God of your understanding. And just in case you’ve missed it some how, here’s the story of Sundance before we got him. He had a rough time of it. No one little dog should have had it so bad.

CLICK HERE

He’s in so much pain that he’s at the vet hospital and they are supposed to be sedating him until his MRI tomorrow morning. This is the part where we wait and hope there’s something they can find and see if there’s something they can fix.

So I’m at goal and everything’s supposed to be perfect and even though I’ve explained this before about life not being perfect when you lose the weight, this might explain it a bit better. Am I begging? Am I praying? Am I crying non-stop? Right now I’m going to sleep to see if I can avoid the pain before I eat my weight in whatever comes first to my mouth. I don’t usually complain about my personal life stuff but today I’m telling you that no matter what size you are, some things just aren’t OK. Please pray for our flufferbutt, our beautiful flufffy white baby who has gone through more than most should ever have to. And if you feel like it, you can pray for Kevin and I too. I need to see that boy back in my arms. I’ll be a little offline (literally and in my mind) for a couple of days. Hoping for that baby to return home really soon

Much love, Y

Can I be reincarnated as my dog?

01/31/2011 by Yvonne • 7 Comments | Leave a Comment »

When I was obese I wanted to lose weight because of how I perceived I was being treated. The pain was immense and I didn’t want to lose weight so much to be happy but to stop the painful existence I lived for thirty years. Just like losing weight doesn’t make you magicially happy it also doesn’t change the perception that some people have of you. There will always be someone standing in line to complain about you over something. Always….

The girl in this picture was smiling for the camera but I was thinking I don’t want to be there, I don’t want to be in the picture. I am on crutches because I have two ruptured discs and my weight was killing me. I just wanted the outside to match the inside. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Then everything will be alright.

Three years ago I attended an Obesity Help event and a woman came up to me and said she needed to apologize. Because I had just met her I couldn’t imagine why but she told me that she “assumed” things about me because of my picture. She continued to say that she could not have been more wrong. When I told her how much it hurts to be misunderstood she said “Well I’d rather be misunderstood as a thin person than a fat person”. For the next thirty minutes I tried to explain that pain is pain whether you are obese or thin.

My whole life was spent trying to win the approval of my father and people around me. I was running a race I couldn’t finish. It was debilitating and impossible. Nothing can be done about people that wish harm to me. I can’t change them so I wish them no harm and I mostly want to get out of their way.

My heart gets me in trouble. I want everyone to get along. Just call me Rodney. I want to agree to disagree and leave it at that. So much energy….wasted energy…. on too much negativity. If I choose to concentrate on the tragic parts of my life they will get too big and I will crumble…. so every day I push those parts down and start over. If today I am hit by a bus I don’t want to go out knowing I spent a moment without living for the beautiful parts of life. My family, my friends, my furry children that loved me fat or thin… I am never on guard with them watching every action and word I speak because they love me just like I am. I have a great deal of work to do on myself because I am still plagued with the stinkin’ thinkin’ monster that tells me every day that I am unworthy and unloved.

When Sundance sits in my lap and looks up at me with those eyes…so innocent…he doesn’t have to worry about anything except eating, walking, pooping, peeing and being loved. He makes me feel worthy and loved.

Now…how can I be reincarnated as my own dog?